Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Two words: nipple clamps
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