the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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