did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
