So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
