I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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