Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
