There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he shaved USA in his pubs
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
