My nipple is on Facebook.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
