The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
