Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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