How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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