i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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