Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
