If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
