so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
