Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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