my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hippo gnu deer
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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