Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I want is dick and wine.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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