It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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