I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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