what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
