She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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