she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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