Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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