This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
