I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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