one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the day after is always just damage control
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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