Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
