when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
