he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
