Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
