They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
