I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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