Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nicole vs. Life
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
