I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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