Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
