just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
