A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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