Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I love having hate sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
