She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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