Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
