Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
