It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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