You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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