i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
