this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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