I bet he comes in French.
Buhtt sex?
i think i have herpe
just one?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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