i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
