Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize