I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
