Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
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Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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