Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
