nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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