I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
