I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
