wanna go halves on a baby?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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