He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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