Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just want to make out with him forever
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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