Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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