All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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