My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
