I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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