I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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