Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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