just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
