Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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